The point marked X The 'treasure' you have been looking for.
when i turn around and saw it, my left side of brain will like 'omg why like that... why dun wan try...' then my right side of my brain will like 'ok chill chill. its other people not me'
when i looked in another direction, i will 'why u seem like a stranger to me', and suddenly i blinked and said 'oh you are your usual self' and i blinked again and 'are we from different worlds? why cant we get along', and for a moment, i felt my heart thumping like crazy.
4 different reactions, but its just the same thing.
then i turned again. cold war for a second, buddies for the next second.
This also applies to the 2nd one.
I looked over.
For a moment, i felt, wow so fun to be together. the next i felt, i didnt want to get along at all.
I looked behind. Way way behind.
why were the best buddies in the world, and when i took a step forward, it seems like your memory of us were like gone in your brain. why we suddenly became competitive and stubborn, and CHILDISH?
ok one is getting more obvious than the previous.
today me rashid liting genghao were talking in mac.
they had their own stories. i felt that every story really had a moral to learn from.
i spoke nothing. Why? Because, i didnt experience i single damn setback.
This is the reason why i stayed so immature. And the more i think im mature, the more im not.
Actually, there were so many things happening in the past. but i did not recall them.
when im supposed to feel angry about a certain thing, im not.
That doesn't mean i am optimistic or sth, its because i couldn't care less about whats happening.
there are many embarrassing things happening too.
but i choose to forget these embarrassing thoughts when they came into my mind.
cuz? its embarrassing.
but shouldn't i think that they are sth to learn from?
for example, i had a privelege of being a CCA leader.
but what did i gain from it? nothing meaningful. just hatred, and strong competition, and bootlicking, and all the stupid thoughts.
that is why i didnt grow up. mentally. it may even affect my physical maturity too. so you see me, like that.
and i just cleared things out with my parents over me being an introvert. am i made a mistake.
i always thought that being an introvert means you are quiet, dun like to talk and make friends, bla bla.
but im wrong, after what mr victor ong had said.
im like what he said, i choose not to confide in people about my problems. my REAL problems.
and WORSE OF ALL, i DONT even know what my real problems are.
im serious.
i choose to keep everything inside of me.
For the friday MBTI thingy, im waiting for it. To see whether i am in or ex.
Or is there even this segment about this?
Also, i admre those 'courageous enough to do that' people.
Well,i admire them.
But why didnt i learn from them?
whats the point of standing there and looking at those success of other people, and just doing nothing.
but i think its the right thing to do.
or maybe im a coward.
why those songs which were supposed to be happy are emo to me?
it actually depends on the time when i 1st hear the song.
and when these songs are emo, i know sth's wrong.
the time when i heard the song was the time when im sad, im down, wadeva.
so its like, theres so many emo songs to me.
that means im not a happy person.
due to my brain. due to my thoughts mentioned at the start. due to my 'forget about it' feeling. due to my childish-ness. due to my cowardness. due to my irresponsibility.
i want to live a life with no regrets, be brave, be happy.
most importantly, i want a normal life.
i dun wan to be abnormal.
Come on Christon! Come on!
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